December 15th: A pivotal moment, or is it?

Fast forward to the year 2038.  You are now thirty-eight years old.  Maybe you are working your dream job in New York, Los Angeles, or Boston.  Maybe it turned out differently, and you are starting another business after a few successes and failures. Or, perhaps you just finished post-graduate work and you are getting married to the person of your dreams. Maybe you are traveling to exotic locations for pleasure, for work, for both. Possibly you are raising two, three, four children of your own. Visualize any one of these scenarios, or visualize where you hope to be at the age of thirty-eight.  Will Early Decision and Early Action decisions on December 15, 2017, matter? Allow me to answer for you.  It won't. 

As college acceptance decisions loom, I want to remind every student waiting with bated breath that you are not defined by the college you choose, you are not defined by your post-high school decision, but you will be defined by how you treat people. You have nothing to prove. Who you are is enough.  With caution, I urge you to weight this moment with proper proportion, as proportion and harmony need not be strangers.  

Placing too much stock in a process marred by ambiguity is a fool's bargain.  For those that receive a yes tomorrow.  Congratulations.  I am so happy for you.  Be proud.  Be excited.  Be humble. As Berry said, "you do not know the road; you have committed to a way."

I can't help but lament at what the college application process has become.  Why can't this process be standardized, so students are spared the grueling process of completing different supplements for each school? When did the college application process morph into the equivalent of another rigorous class?  Is it necessary to place such pressure and time commitments on high school students? Is there not admissions counselors at colleges across the land who are watching their own children grind away at a process that seems unnecessarily arduous?  The last two rhetorical questions can be answered merely, no & yes.  

Last year I witnessed a video online of a young student sitting by the computer awaiting notification from the college of his choice.  He was surrounded by family all hovering about and peering over his shoulder.  Undoubtedly with a pounding heart, he opened the email from the institution of his choice.  A double-click away from the next four years of his life. 

They simultaneously read the email and pandemonium erupted in the room.  A great, triumphant moment for the young man and his family.  It made me smile.  Watching a dream come true for a young man or woman is always smile-worthy.  Of course, the video went viral because he heard the word yes.  This will play out millions of times across the country in the coming weeks.    

It is impossible for me not to wonder, what would the reaction be if the 3 letter reply he hoped for (yes) was replaced with the dreaded 2 letter answer, NO! Knowing his family is anxiously awaiting a yes, I imagine "no" would have been crushing.

I fully recognize sitting in my position it is easy to tell students, don't worry, it will all work out, but I honestly believe it will.  If you do not get into college #1, #2, or even numbers 3, 4, or 5, it will work out; you will end up where you belong.  The college that accepts you is lucky to have you, and to the ones that said no, well use that rejection as fuel to demonstrate their colossal mistake.  

In moments like this, it is difficult, but nonetheless necessary, to keep perspective. If the most devastating moment of the year is a rejection letter, then life is splendid.  Know that your family and friends are proud of you no matter what.  

I include an article written by CCHS senior, Chao Cheng, and I am sharing a New York Times article I read nearly three years ago.  Below is a portion of the article I find particularly poignant.  After being turned down by the colleges of his choice, a mother found a beleaguered and devastated son.  She wrote him a letter.  I included a portion of it below.  It will all work out. I promise!


Dear Matt,

On the night before you receive your first college response, we wanted to let you know that we could not be any prouder of you than we are today. Whether or not you get accepted does not determine how proud we are of everything you have accomplished and the wonderful person you have become. That will not change based on what admissions officers decide about your future. We will celebrate with joy wherever you get accepted — and the happier you are with those responses, the happier we will be. But your worth as a person, a student and our son is not diminished or influenced in the least by what these colleges have decided.

If it does not go your way, you’ll take a different route to get where you want. There is not a single college in this country that would not be lucky to have you, and you are capable of succeeding at any of them.

We love you as deep as the ocean, as high as the sky, all the way around the world and back again — and to wherever you are headed.

Mom and Dad

Frank Bruni is an Op-Ed columnist for The New York Times. This essay is adapted from his book, “Where You Go Is Not Who You’ll Be: An Antidote to the College Admissions Mania.”

How to Survive the College Admissions Madness

On Applying to College

by Chao Cheng • October 16, 2017 • 2 Comments

With the November 1st early application deadline just two weeks away, many seniors are heavily preoccupied with assembling all the required materials necessary for their applications: transcripts, essays, recommendations, the Common App, and more. During the application process, it isn’t hard to feel a sense of despair, a feeling that you really should have paid more attention during freshman year, so maybe you would have a higher GPA, and maybe then would your dream school want you. One suddenly comes to a realization that college is just around the corner, and with it comes the gateway to life as an independent adult – and that everything you’ve done with your life up until this point matters, whether it be those years of playing the violin or all those afternoons volunteering at the local community center.

Perhaps it is because, as young as we are, we have not truly been exposed to many other grand-scale issues such as maintaining a stable income, or perhaps it is because we are so excited for it. All things considered, we place a huge emphasis on going to college that is arguably unwarranted and exaggerated. It is not without reason, of course; college, and higher education in general, opens up a multitude of opportunities for one’s life. It is a place and time where one will end up with life-long friends and memories, and it is where one truly leaves the shackles of teenage life behind and embraces the world, independent at last. For these reasons, and many more, it is indeed quite important where one goes to college and what one makes of it.

But not for the purpose you think. Sure, being accepted to a prestigious institution merits joy and satisfaction, but you shouldn’t get hung up on not being able to attend the school of your dreams. College is what you make of it, and there’s not point in wistfully wondering about your life had you gone to a different school. It is a time to discover yourself and your passions, and regardless of what college you attend, you will have the opportunity to do those things and much more. As residents of Massachusetts, one of the best educated states in the US, we are already miles above the average teenager of the world. 

Wherever you end up, you can be sure that you have access to amazing resources and amazing people. And in the long run, in the scope of your entire life, whatever you will have been destined to accomplish, destined to become, is dependent on yourself, and not the college you go to. YOU define who you are, not the admissions officers at schools across the country who have no idea what you look like or what you want. College is a stepping stone to the rest of your life, and if you don’t get into your dream school, it isn’t the end – learn from it and become a better person.

Ultimately, if you take away nothing else, I hope you will keep this simple message in mind:

Don’t let your college define you… let yourself define who you are.